I find it simply amazing, how the power a bike ride has to bring me out of a funk, and help me put things in prespective. Lately I have felt a little down about some personal matters that quite frankly, I have zero control over. I want these things to conclude themselves so that I can move on with my life. Today I was really moving sideways, shit, I couldn't even make a smoothie without managing to dump the blenders contents in the sink. I became angry and frustrated, feeling like I could do not one thing right. Of course I wasn't making it easy for myself, letting my brain race and move from thought to thought makes it hard for me to concentrate on a task. As the day went on, I got more down. However, I was able to see what I was allowing to happen, I knew that i needed to make a change in my way of thinking and to help spark that change, I needed to ride my bike to clear my head. But there in lies the rub - when dealing with depression, knowing and doing are two different things. I procrastinated, stayed upset and let the day go by until I finally dragged my ass out of the house and onto my bike. An hour and a half ride is by no means a great physical feat, but did it ever do wonders for my soul! I was able to clear my mind and focus on one task - pedaling my bike. After a while, my thoughts returned to my situation, but with a different perspective. I remembered what learned as a patient at Lakewood, I put my problems to the sanity test. Can I control whats happening? No! So don't catastrophize about it. I am going to focus on the things I can control and not allow the other things to fill my mind with negative thoughts. I am human, things will still make me mad but I will not let these things infect me like a plague. The bottom line is this: I have a lot of things going for me and I am going to be smarter than my problems, and exercise patience. Oh, and I will maintain my sense of humor!
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