I’ve posted quite a bit about the things that make me happy, but part of being a genuine person is telling the whole story; and tonight I am writing about a subject that is heavy on my mind – divorce. Let me begin by saying that I do not take this subject lightly. Being in the midst of this process is by far one of the most difficult experiences of my life. However, I know that its completion brings with it relief and the chance to move forward with my life. Experiences like these reveal something about who we are: are we able to behave in a manner that is dignified and respectful? Can we stay true to our values and sense of what’s right and wrong? Or will we give in to anger and resentment and allow ourselves to behave in a manner that is base?
My main concern is the welfare of my son. He is such a great kid, and it pains me that he has to know a life where his parents did not stay together. As hurtful as this is, the alternative is far worse. I firmly believe he will be far happier without his mother and I under one roof, fighting, behaving badly and in a state of unhappiness. A secondary concern is to see this matter through without having to lawyer up and drag it through court because of litigation. Here in lies the necessity of compromise and I guess to some degree, the willingness to give in.
My wife is going to maintain custody of our son and I am to have rights for visitation, holidays and time in the summer. I will not contest this because I want my son to have stability; in that sense, his happiness far outweighs my own. Money is a painful and hotly contested item in divorce. It is usually here where we lose sight of our principles and act out of greed, spite, and maybe a sense of entitlement. Child support is a given, it is our responsibility as parents to take care of our children and I take this very seriously. Spousal support is an entirely confusing subject for me. How we determine the amount to be received, if at all, and the duration it will be received is baffling. If the divorce is a “no fault” case, then why is alimony even justified? If both parties are able to work then why in the hell should either party be required to support the other? In my case, my ex-wife is entitled to 50 percent of my military retirement pension. I do not begrudge this one bit. She did the time as much as I did. She stayed home taking care of business while I was off playing hero. She earned it, period! Where I go a little sideways is the question of alimony – it is quite possible that I will have to pay her a significant amount of alimony despite the fact that neither of us works and we are both students. Go figure! When all is said and done I could walk away from this for at least a few years, taking home less than a third of the money I receive for my military retirement and VA disability pensions. Let me be honest, I don’t think this is fare in the least. In fact, it’s bullshit! My choices are few, I can give in and accept this or I can contest the issue and in so doing, lawyer up and go to court over it. As crazy as it may seem to you – I don’t think I am going to choose to go to court over this. I conveyed to my wife what I believe to be a fare distribution of the money I earned, but beyond that, it is up to her to decide how to go forward. If she gets what she wants I won’t be able to pay my bills, will more than likely have to file for bankruptcy, and for a while, be screwed in a financial sense. The thing is its just money! If that is what she needs to make her feel better about things then she can have it. No matter what happens, I will not be bitter. My happiness and sanity are so much more important than this. Yesterday reminded me of this simple fact. I had a fabulous meal with some really great friends we talked, we laughed and we enjoyed each other’s company.
I am truly happy with where my life is heading and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let this situation get the better of me. For me, fighting this means getting mad and dragging this where I don’t want to go. You see, I feel as though I have one foot forward and the other stuck behind me. I need to move forward. I can adjust my plans to accommodate this setback. What I will not do is go backward, because I have started a new life for myself. I have great family and friends who mean the world to me. They stand by me and they support me, and that’s all I need! I believe there were four guys with funny haircuts who said it best, “money can’t buy me love”; and that’s me – poor in money, but so very rich in love.
Can't Buy Me Love
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